I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN. I THINK I CAN.

It's been two years and ten months since I had open-heart surgery and I still haven't reached my goal of running one mile up our mountain road. Breathing problems, sleep apnea  and recently diagnosed asthma are my road blocks this time. It pisses me off to think my "Rocky Moment" is unattainable. Even walking is a challenge now. On rare good days I can walk almost two-tenths of a mile, huffing and puffing the whole way. Sometimes I take my goat along so she can pull me up the incline. I hate to wimp out and  redefine my goal. I had high hopes and I worked hard, but at this point, rather than throwing in the towel, I'll declare my "Rocky Moment" after I WALK one mile up the mountain road. Surely with time and persistent baby steps, I can do it. My regression has been discouraging. One and a half years ago, after my broken ankle healed, I could walk two and one-quarter miles. I know I can do it again. It is my new promise to myself. OK, Rocky, look out, I'm a comin', not running, but walking with determination. 

Once again, Walter Wintle's poem comes to mind.  
If you think you are beaten, you are,
If you think you dare not, you don't,
If you like to win, but you think you can't,
It's almost a "cinch" you won't.
If you think you'll lose, you've lost,
For out in the world you find
Success begins with a fellow's will;
It's all in the state of mind.

Full many a race is lost
Ere ever a step is run;
And many a coward fails
Ere ever his work's begun.
Think big and your deeds will grow,
Think small and you'll fall behind,
Think that you can and you will;
It's all in the state of mind.

If you think you're outclassed, you are,
You've got to think high to rise,
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize.
Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man,
But sooner or later, the man who wins,
Is the fellow who thinks he can.

Meds:   Amiodarone, Cardizem,  Vayacog, Paxil, Pradaxa, Symbicort, Proair, Montelukcast, Ipratropium Bromide, Fluticasone, Nexium, Claritin, Cpap machine, I-Caps, Vitamins D3  and B-12, Flax seed oil, Multivitamin, Glucosoamine, Omega-3 Fish Oil, Vitamin C, Phytoestrogen   

DAYS 549-638 RECOVERY

After my heart was monitored for thirty days last month, the cardiologist determined that I now have intermittent atrial fibrillation. This is not the news I wanted to hear. It came as a shock. I was convinced the escalating irregular beats that my blood pressure reader detected were due to a malfunction of the machine which also reads heart rate and rhythm. Yes, the blood pressure machine was in error, but the reality is that some of the episodes were real. It alarmed the doctor that I could no longer feel that I was in AFib.

Just when I expected to hear it was safe to discontinue the heart medication, I was told I need to increase the dose. I also need to replace the daily full-strength aspirin with a prescription med that better prevents blood clotting. While these meds may save my heart, they put my other organs at risk. I tend to feel that many physicians are pimps for the pharmaceutical companies. However, when you think about it, after lifestyle changes are recommended and natural therapies are tried, and only a few doctors consider those, what can they do other than prescribe meds or cut?

I was in quite a dilemma. I had to choose how I might die. Not taking the meds puts my heart at risk. Taking them can damage my liver, kidneys, thyroid or lungs. Many other side effects are possible. A few are hair loss, depression, vision damage, sun sensitivity, swelling, and uncontrollable bleeding. I bought the meds but couldn't bring myself to take them. Several weeks passed before my cardiologist contacted me early this week. He explained the seriousness of my situation. All the while I'm thinking,Yeah, you’re a heart doc, of course you want to protect my heart.Surely a pulmonologist would vote in favor of saving my lungs, an internist my kidneys, and so on. He emphasized my risks due to family history, previous heart attack and value problems, age, high blood pressure and two blood-clotting disorders. He stated that he doesn't prescribe medication lightly. Then he got me when he told me there are ways to fix lungs, kidneys, etc, but there are no ways to fix my highest risk, a stroke. He asked me how I felt about spending my life in a nursing home. I started the meds that night. 

Meds:   Amiodarone, Cardizem,  Vayacog, Paxil, Pradaxa, Vitamin D, I-Caps, Flax seed oil, Multivitamin, B-12, , Glucosoamine, Calcium, Garlic,Omega-3 Fish Oil, Vitamin C, Black Cohosh