DAY 87 - Recovery

Eating, one of the necessities of life, is so much more fun when the food actually tastes good.  I suppose that's where the problem comes in for so many, it tastes too darned good.  For most of these past few months eating has been a chore.  Most things were most unappetizing because they didn't taste like they were supposed to, they just didn't taste right.  For the past couple of weeks I've been able to enjoy eating again.  My appetite has returned and surely now I'll be able to pack on some pounds and enjoy doing so.  

Meds:   Coumadin, Vayacog, L-Carnitine, Vitamin D, I-Caps, Flax seed oil, Multivitamin   

DAY 86 - Recovery

Wow, what a day!  For the first time in almost 5 months I awoke with energy, real energy!  I didn't have to drag myself from the bedroom to the bathroom to the kitchen with the fear that I'd do a face plant in my breakfast.  I had no desire to succumb to a couple more hours of sleep like I usually have to do.  Bright and early I walked and tended the animals then headed to the morning session at cardio rehab where for the first time they allowed me to do the standing elliptical "killer" machine.  The max time permitted was 5 minutes instead of 15 like I do on the treadmill and others.  From there I grabbed some lunch, did some quick shopping then drove to the other side of town for my grief support group.  Went back home to regroup and then headed back to town to indulge in cheap Wings on Wednesdays at my favorite Irish pub.  As usual I asked for double celery, but I deviated from my usual jerk wings to try Thai chili ones and a great choice it was.  I topped that off with a little chunk of chocolate walnut fudge from the nearby candy store.  It was all yummy, although I probably wouldn't receive my cardiologist's approval unless I could convince him that I just go there for the celery.  Life is starting to feel good again.  I hope today wasn't some kind of fluke as I'd like to do a rerun of it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow.

Meds:   Coumadin, Vayacog, L-Carnitine, Vitamin D, I-Caps, Flax seed oil, Multivitamin  

DAYS 76-85 Recovery

Going into open heart surgery I knew I'd end up with a wicked scar down the center of my chest.  That I was prepared for.  What I wasn't prepared for was coming out of the hospital with the body I expected to have when I reached 90.  Now there's nothing wrong with a 90-year old body on a 90-year old, but I was expecting to have at least a couple of decades before my body reached that level of depreciation.  With lack of activity during many of the 18 days I was hospitalized because I was on bed rest due to having blood clots in one of my lungs, my muscles atrophied into mush. That combined with the sudden loss of 16 pounds left me sporting the skin and bones look.  It would be bad enough if my skin was taut, but the texture has changed and it sags, which is quite a sorry sight.  What else could it do since it no longer has any fat or muscle to support it. 

At first I wasn't convinced I would ever have the energy and strength to do the physical work required to rebuild my body.  Now that I've been in cardio rehab for five weeks, pushing myself to work hard, I'm beginning to see results, but only in my legs where the muscles are once again becoming firm.  The rest of my body, especially my arms have a long way to go. 

Edith Wilma Connor, who didn't start working out until in her 60's, and now at age 77 is the world's oldest bodybuilder, has given me new inspiration.  I have no desire to reach the level of fitness she has achieved.  My goal is to be able to carry a 50-lb sack of goat feed uphill to the barn.  Like I said before, I don't want to end up being one of those 70-yr old ladies who lifts nothing heavier than a tea cup. 

http://www.inquisitr.com/244498/edith-connor-named-worlds-oldest-female-bodybuilder-by-guinness-book-of-world-records/

Meds:   Coumadin, Vayacog, L-Carnitine, Vitamin D, I-Caps, Flax seed oil, Multivitamin 

DAYS 66-75 Recovery

I've been doing well.  Not having nausea since Mother's day, I've actually gained a little weight this week.  It's been almost three months since my surgery.  I'm still low on energy and have no stamina but I manage to get some things done little by little. 

We've been cut off from the world most of this week because our land line phone and internet services have been down.  I don't think about how isolated we are until suddenly we have no connection with the world beyond the western NC mountains.  Our cell phones don't get great reception and there are a few dead zones between the mountain peaks, but at least it gives us a back up to our land line phone.  When I first moved here two years ago, losing internet service was a frequent occurrence each and every time we'd have a storm or heavy rain. Over all our internet service has improved and despite what our son Doug claims it isn't as slow as it used to be.  The service provider calls it "medium" speed.  Hopefully someday we'll have high speed, but right now I'd settle for reliability.  

Meds:   Coumadin,  Multaq, Vayacog, L-Carnitine, Vitamin D, I-Caps, Flax seed oil, Multivitamin 

 

DAYS 63-65 Recovery

Having to report for jury duty Monday afternoon, I attended cardio rehab in the AM.  Nausea hit me hard and unexpectedly toward the end of an education session causing me to charge from the classroom in search of a restroom.  It hit me again in the parking lot as I was trying to leave.  It doesn't seem fair for my body to react this way without enjoying some hardy partying the night before.  Not feeling well enough to drive very far, I called my husband to meet me at one of the highway exits.   Darryl drove me to the courthouse in the next county.  I was sure I'd be immediately excused from jury duty when they saw that I was carrying a barf pan, but as it turned out I had no need to bring on the drama.  A big sign was posted on the courthouse door advising all jurors that the case had been settled out of court and there was no need for jurors this week.  Had I felt better I would have joined in with the other jurors and done a happy dance right there on the courthouse steps.

I was relieved to find that the pain I was feeling each time I took a breath was due to a strained muscle along my ribs and not fluid buildup.  Apparently when I injured my shoulder during the workout on Friday, I also damaged this area.  Both are feeling so much better today.  Once again I can take deep breaths without any pain.

Depression was overwhelming yesterday, so much so that I was planning my demise.  I cried all day from the time I awoke and into the night crying myself to sleep.   I wore sunglasses when we went to vote since I didn't want anyone to notice my crying for no reason.  Of course, after the election results came in, I had plenty of reason to cry.  I'm so glad that Darryl is so understanding and supportive otherwise I don't know if I could make it through days like yesterday. 

This morning the depression was nonexistent.  Pretty amazing since this is my first day without an antidepressant.  I awoke feeling relaxed and happy.  Ok, so I didn't look so good with my eyes practically swollen shut from all that crying yesterday.  Speaking of eyes, I still have a partially red one.  The blood vessel that broke in my eye almost four weeks ago seems that it doesn't want to clear up.  The seat belt hit me in the same eye a few days later, but all that bruising, swelling, and deep redness on the other side of the eye has totally cleared.

The cardio rehab people, who focus on the whole person and not just the heart, recently referred me to an organization that does grief counseling as part of their hospice program.  They thought it would benefit me since the grieving process for our 24 yr old son (had he lived he would be 26 now) was interrupted about 3 months after his death when our house burned with our beloved 10-yr old cat inside.  I wasn't home during the fire, ironically I was at my son's grave site.  With the fire being extensive, the insurance company "totaled" our home.  Dealing with all our material loss and that which was salvaged consumed the remainder of the year.  Three weeks after the fire I was hospitalized for heart problems.  They said I'd had a heart attack.  All of this interfered with going through the grieving process for our son.  I still carry so much sadness, and maybe I always will, but hopefully with the counseling, education, and being part of a support group that this organization provides will help me through this.  I met with them for the first time today.  There will be six more sessions.  Others there were recent widows, along with a widower, and someone who lost her fiance.  She shared a beautiful love story of their romance during college, and how they ended up going separate ways only to be reunited a couple of years ago during their silver years.  Others shared stories of decades of married love with many nursing their spouses through an array of illnesses, all eventually becoming fatal.  Emotions ranged from sorrow, to anger, to loneliness, to depression, and lack of motivation to participate in life.  It seems those who were not with their spouses during the moment of death held an even deeper and more sorrowful pain.  I feel fortunate that our son was still alive, although barely, when we arrived at the hospital.  We were told it would be only a matter of minutes.  During those precious final moments I was able to hold and stroke his arm and feel his warmth for the last time before they pronounced him dead.  I hold much comfort in that.  

Meds:   Coumadin,  Multaq, Vayacog, L-Carnitine, Vitamin D, I-Caps, Flax seed oil 

DAYS 59-62 Recovery

I spoke too soon when I posted for Day 58.  Later that night I became more nauseated than I've ever been and lost not only my dinner but all my evening meds.  All the meds I'm taking have a side effect of nausea, but I think the main culprit is the diuretic.  I stopped taking it the next day and so far no problems with nausea, although my blood pressure continues to climb.

The 30-day heart monitor was installed last Thursday.  I have to wear it 24/7 until June 2.   They do allow me to disconnect the 4 electrodes attached to my chest when I take a bath or shower.  Thanks to more modern technology the sensor is only about 2x3 inches, not nearly as large and heavy as previous ones.  I can wear it on a lanyard around my neck or in a pocket.  With four wires attached, it is a bit conspicuous.  I must also carry a dedicated cell phone that constantly transmits information to the heart gods wherever they might be, I think it's Chicago.   If my heart behaves during this time, I'll be able to discontinue the heart medicine.

I wish I could say that I'm really feeling great, but alas these past four days have been a challenge.  I've had a killer headache in the area of my right temple that today moved to the base of my neck.  No matter how badly I feel I still drag myself to cardio rehab.  I pushed a little too hard doing the arm portion of one of the machines and I'm paying for it with a very sore shoulder that is doing its best to keep me awake at night. 

I'm being weaned off the anti-depressant buproprion.  My last dose will be Tuesday.  Being a stimulant it can cause weight loss in some people.  Unfortunately I must be one of those people and I sure don't need any more weight loss. 

I started having difficulty taking deep breaths yesterday afternoon and it continues today with a pain each time I inhale.  This scares me because that's one of the reasons I ended up back in the ICU because fluid had built up around my right lung not giving it enough room to expand.   The last thing I wanted to do today was walk the quarter mile track, but I did it anyway and made it to a mile.  Walking is supposed to help reduce fluid.  I have cardio rehab tomorrow morning so I'll share this info with the doc and nurses there to see if it needs attention. 

I'm scheduled for jury duty this week beginning tomorrow afternoon.  If I had any idea back when I received the notice that I'd be feeling this terrible, I would have applied for a medical exemption.  They may excuse me anyway since I must keep the cell phone for the monitor on at all times.  That could be a bit distracting in a courtroom.  

I look forward to the day when I can say how great and wonderful I feel.   I do hope that day comes soon.  

Meds:   Coumadin, Bupropion, Multaq, Vayacog,  L-Carnitine, Vitamin D,  I-Caps, Flax seed oil 

DAYS 56-58 Recovery

No nausea these past two days so I'm really stuffing myself while I can.  I met with the dietician at the rehab center on Monday.  She's working up a plan to help me to gain weight and rebuild muscle.  I had a good workout session both Monday and today despite my feeling of total exhaustion.  We went to Asheville last night.  Being out for 6 hrs about did me in.  I suppose it was because I didn't have much physical energy to start with.  My mental energy has been nil.  I can't even muster up enough energy to answer emails and letters and "do" Facebook.   Even reading is a challenge.  I've been taking Vayacog, a prescription medical food,  for two weeks.  It's supposed to improve cognitive abilities, but it seems to be making mine worse. 

Meds:   Coumadin, Bupropion, Multaq, Triam/HCTZ, Vayacog,  aspirin 81mg,  multivitamin, vitamin D, I-Caps, Omega-3 fish oil